Changes

Tonight has been one of those nights... Where is your brother? When was the last time anyone has talked to him? Have you seen his truck? Let's call around and see if he's okay. He was missing in action for a few hours but during that time I found that I kept saying, "This is his choice, not mine." God is in control of everything! He has a plan for my brother's life and this is just a bump along the way. I know in my heart that he will come out of the dark world he is in. He will certainly have an awesome testimony! I can feel things changing. Does that make sense? I think that it is me who is changing. For instance, "Where is your brother?" I have no idea but God knows and He will take care of the situation. "When was the last time anyone talked to him?" I haven't talked to him today but I talk to God everyday! "Have you seen his truck?" No, but I know that my brother has a co-pilot that will protect him! A month ago, I would have been all over town searching aimlessly for him but tonight I chose to stay home with Mason. Tonight I chose to pray for him. I chose to continue to let God take care of my brother. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. It may not be coming as fast as I would like but I see it! Things are changing!

Mason is cleaning the house right now so I thought that now would be a good time to blog! So far, he has dustbusted the bathroom floors, wiped down the walls and cleaned the glass door. He is trying to hurry up and finish because it's a surprise for his daddy. Mason loves to surprise people! He is constantly telling me to close my eyes so that he can lead me to a great surprise. Sometimes it's a fort in the spare bedroom or a lizard on the screened porch or even a mess in his room! Whatever the surprise is, he is always bubbling over with excitement to show me. And, of course, I hoot and holler over his surprises!

My Momma

I know that I have already blogged today but I really felt like I needed to do it again. I was with a super sweet friend tonight who said something that got me thinking. She said if she ever had to have another mom that she would definitely choose my mom. Of course, my friend already has a great mom and she can't have mine... Although I will share her a little! ;)

I just wanted to let everyone know that my mother is like no other woman in this world. She shows strength and wisdom in all that she does. Lately, as our family is facing trails and tribulations, she stands strong in her faith, never failing to amaze me. When I am facing a problem, I always think to myself, "What would my mom do?" I know exactly what she would do almost always and that's pray. So, first I pray and then I call my mom.

I owe heaven an unpayable debt for giving me a God-fearing mom. I find myself thanking God for giving me to her. There is no friendship, no love in my life that will compare to the way I feel about her. She is my rock! She understands how I am feeling without me having to utter a word. She can look at my face and see inside me. I know that in my life I can't always have happiness but I can always have my mom!

"Her children rise up and call her blessed." Proverbs 31:28

See what my sister wrote about our mom too.

Fix Your Shoes!

This morning Mason put his flip flops on the wrong foot. I told him to fix his shoes. He took his shoes off, leaving them the same way they were when he took them off. He turned around in a circle but didn't move the shoes. He proceeded to put them on the wrong foot again. He thought that if he turned a circle that he wouldn't need to move the shoes. He had moved his feet and just couldn't understand why they weren't fitting into his shoes. That is how my day started! I have giggled about that all day.

Tar-Nation!!!

Right now, my house is completely silent. Mason is asleep. Brett is asleep. All the critters are asleep. VERY QUIET! I should be asleep but here I am.

Today Brett and Mason worked in the yard almost all day. It looks really amazing. Mason has his own weedeater, lawn mower and blower. (Of course, they are toys.) Every where that daddy went, Mason was right on his heels. Poor little fella.... He mows and mows without cutting a single blade of grass but he absolutely loves it! I'm sure that when he is older that he won't think that mowing the lawn is fun.

Mason picked up a new word today. He was making a mad dash to the potty so that he wouldn't wet his pants. He made it but on the short run to the potty he screamed, "TAR-NATION"! I have no idea where he heard this word. Does SpongeBob say that? Jimmy Newtron? I'm not sure but it was so funny and I laughed so hard that I almost wet my pants!!

Mason sleeps in bed with Brett and I. Yes, it is usually cramped. I get his feet in my back and Brett gets his head in his back. We actually form the letter H. We have tried to put him is his own bed. He always ends up back in our bed. But the way I figure it is, one day he will not want to snuggle with me so I am not rushing it! So, I'm off to bed now to complete the letter H!!

My Cup Runeth Over!!

When Mason puts his little arms around my neck and tells me that he loves me "with all of his pink heart", I usually tell him, "My cup runeth over". I never say it loud enough for anyone to hear.... Only Mason and I. But I am here tonight to tell everyone that MY CUP RUNETH OVER!!

I am amazed at the over pouring of prayers for my brother from fellow bloggers! I have been inspired by each comment and the scriptures that go with them. I know that God will answer my prayers but not in my time.... In His time!

That's all for tonight... Mason wants to snuggle and I can't resist a good snuggle with the sweetest three year old around!

To My Little Brother

For the people who read my blog every day, please bear with me. I need to get this off of my chest and I decided to do it here. I always feel better when I write things down. You all are just lucky enough to get in my head for a minute and hear my thoughts......

Dear Little Brother,

I have been wanting to write to you about how I have been feeling the last few weeks. The big reason why I haven't is because it would break my heart for you to read how I feel and for you to look at me and not care. I think that you know that my heart is constantly aching for you. I know that you are lost in a world that I don't know and I don't know how to get you out. I am truly afraid for your life. I find myself praying for you at different times of the day. I wonder if you are home, who you are with, will you survive the night? I am constantly giving my worries over to God but I find that I keep taking them back from Him. I know that what I need to do is give it all to Him and not worry. I should trust God's plan for your life, whether it is to recover or to die using.

You will always be my brother but recently you also became one of my best friends. I was very happy to see your name on my caller id or to hear "Long Black Train" coming through my cell phone. We talked about your life and what it was like when you were using. We talked about the things that you have done and most important we talked about the promise of a future that was drug free. A really great future!

I can remember sitting beside you at numerous NA meetings and I would listen to the conviction in your voice. I sat beside you at church and cried with you. Now I sit in church beside someone that I don't even know. I sit and I cry because I miss you and because I know that you are slowly committing suicide. I cry because every time that I see you, I'm afraid that it will be the last. I know that if you don't stop, you will die. That breaks my heart because you have a choice. I don't know what if feels like to be an addict and to have cravings but I do know what it feels like to bury someone that I love. I don't want to do that again.

So, what I am going to do is give all of my worries to God and I have to trust in Him and what He has planned for you. My prayer for you, little brother, is that God will open your eyes and your heart.

"They cried to the Lord in their troubles, and He rescued them! He led them from their darkness and shadow of death and snapped their chains." Psalm 107:13-14

Power of Praying

Lately I have been praying extra hard for my brother. I pray at different times of the day for him but I also find myself praying extra for mom and dad and my other brother and my sisters. I have been praying for my brother's girlfriend and I have been praying for my family. All of this extra praying was brought on by the prayers that I started for Bernie. One simple prayer turned into several prayers and now I find myself praying for my entire family. I have to admit that I haven't always been one to pray. For some reason I was not comfortable with it. Of course I said the occasional, "God, help me!" But even when I was alone, I prayed silently. I know that God can hear my prayers whether they are spoken out loud or written down or just in my head but to pray out loud is another feeling. And all of this extra praying came about because I started praying for my brother.. I started praying for him and my family and on and on.

I'm sure that everyone has had a time in their lives when you felt so completely hopeless. No amount of worry or tears or begging will change what is happening. But if you just stop what you are doing and pray.... Things will start to look brighter. All you can do is pray and wait for God to take action.

So, because I started praying for Bernie, God has started working on me. Isn't that something?

What a Weekend!!!

We have had a busy weekend! Saturday I took Mason to an Easter egg hunt at our church. He had a great time with all the kids. His basket was FULL of eggs and the eggs were full of candy! Oh Yeah!

After the hunt, we went to the beach with Angie, the kids and Ivette. The weather was really perfect. There was a breeze but not too much. It was so wonderful! Mason got in the freezing cold water..... I mean truly freezing! Of course, he told me that it was not cold.

From the beach, Mason and I went to a birthday party for Cameron, our next door neighbors daughter. Cameron and Mason are best friends and love to play together.

Then..... We went to my sisters house. Mason played all night with Will. Needless to say, when we got home, Mason went straight to bed and was asleep in seconds.

Today is Easter! What a great day! We spent the whole day with family. We went to church and mom's for lunch and the big family Easter egg hunt. We also went to Grandma's for dessert and a two mile walk!!! We are all so tired!

I hope that everyone was lucky enough to have a day like we did! We are really blessed with an amazing family!!

Hey Ya'll!! It's Thursday and I am so glad because that means that tomorrow is Friday!!! I love the weekend! Mason is really excited that the Easter Bunny is coming to our house. Last year he really didn't understand the whole Easter Bunny thing but this year he thinks that he should get as much as he did at Christmas. Everything that he sees on t.v., he says, "Maybe the Easter Bunny will bring me that." I hate to tell him but Santa just came and took all mommy and daddy's toy money with him!!

Today we went the strawberry u-pick where my grandfather works. Mason has only been to pick strawberries once before and he was so small that he doesn't remember. Luckily, he had on a red shirt today. I told him to only pick the berries that were as red as his shirt. He picked a whole basket all by himself. He was really proud! We had fun!

My Sista From Another Mudda

"When you are sad, I will dry your tears. When you are scared, I will comfort your fears. When you are worried, I will give you hope. When you are confused, I will help you cope. And when you are lost, And can't see the light, I shall be your beacon Shining ever so bright. This is my oath, I pledge till the end. Why you may ask? Because your my best friend."

I would love to say that I wrote this poem but I didn't. But if I was going to write a poem about my best friend, it would be a lot like this one. She is always a phone call away, no matter what time it is or what she may be doing. She has the kindest nature about her and at the same time she "don't take no crap". She has a magnetic personality and advice like you wouldn't believe. If something wonderful happens in my life, she is one of the first people to know. If I am in crisis, I always dial her number. I can remember numerous times that I have called her and she could tell by the sound of my voice that I needed her. She never hesitates to come right over.

She loves Mason. I can see it when she looks at him. It shines in her eyes. He loves her as much as she loves him. Almost every time she comes over he wants her to play hide and go seek or chase. I can't remember a single time when she has told him no, even if she is in a hurry. Mason is very lucky to have her in his life.

I'm not really sure why I decided to write about her tonight but I do know that I am truly blessed by having her as my "sista from another mudda". If I could choose anyone in the world to be my best friend, I would choose her. Luckily, God chose her for me a long time ago.

Yes, I am still here! I know that a lot of you were wondering if I was going to forget to blog again today. Here I am!

We had a busy weekend full of family, kids, and mostly sunshine! Saturday Mason and I went to mom's house for Little Bernie's birthday party. It was fun and the rain held off until after his party. We had tug of war, sack races, egg races, relay races and three leg races. There was a lot of laughing, some crying and even more sweat! The kids had so much fun but the adults did, too!! Tug of War was the funniest!

Things with my brother are okay. He has a dark look in his eyes. But I will continue to pray for him and I know that God will take care of him.

Mason has built a "fort" in our spare bedroom... pillows, chairs, blankets and whatever else he could think to include. It's amazing to watch his imagination run wild. He can be a pirate one minute and a ninja turtle the next.

Alright, that's it for now. Goodnight!!!

Hello everyone! It's finally Friday and I am definitely ready for the weekend. Hopefully it doesn't rain! Tomorrow morning we are going to a T-ball game and Little Bernie's birthday party is at 2pm at mom's house.

Today I took Mason to his preschool Easter party. It has nice to be able to take him. I have high respect for anyone who teaches preschool. With 23 three years olds running around, I thought I would lose my mind. His teachers seemed to have things under control. "Line up and wash your hands", "Sit down so we can eat", Drink all your juice", "Who needs to go potty?" It was loud but Mason had a great time.

Tonight Brett, Mason and I went to dinner and then to WalMart. Can't beat that for a Friday night, huh? Do you ever go to WalMart and only have a few things in your buggy but it ends up costing more than a buggy full of food? How does that happen?

Anyway, I'm going to bed now. Goodnight!!

My last blog was about our phone ringing all the time and how I loved to hear it ring. But tonight the constant ringing was not a good thing. Tonight I got calls from my sister, my mom, my nephew and my brother's girlfriend and they all said the same thing, "Have you seen Bernie?" My heart is breaking right now because drugs have a grip on my little brother and they will not let him go. Right now he is not himself. He is the drug and the drug is going to kill him if he doesn't stop using.

My brother is an incredible man. He is one of those rare men who still holds doors open for women and opens car doors. He would walk through fire for anyone that he loves. But he is also a drug addict.

I have people in my life who do not understand why Bernie can't just stop. Everyone is addicted to something whether it's coffee, cigarettes, t.v., the internet, working out, sports or work. The only difference is that drugs are illegal. But try to stop drinking coffee in the morning and see how you feel. That's how drugs are to my brother. They have a firm hold on him.

There is nothing worse than seeing someone that you love suffer and not be able to give them instant relief. As I have said before, all that I can do is pray. I saw one of God's miracles in Bernie's life these past few months. I could look in Bernie's eyes and see him for the first time in years. I know that if I just trust in God, I will see another miracle in Bernie's life. So, God, here I am, trusting in You and Your will for Bernie's life. BRING ON THE MIRACLE!!!

Ring! Ring!

I started my blog yesterday about how Brett thinks that our phone rings too much. I had written about my nephew calling and asking if he could come over and Brook calling to chat. But during the middle of my blog, the phone started ringing and Ryan, Bernie, Amy, Austin, Angie, Jessica, Jordan and Jackson ended up coming over to visit. They all called and then they all came over and somehow my blog from yesterday disappeared. Although at one point in all the visiting, Brett's head started to hurt, what a blessing that our phone rang and they all came by!

Our phone does ring a lot and most always it is for me and it's most always someone from my family or my "sista from another mutta". What would I do without all of these people? Well, I wouldn't be on the phone as much but man, would I be one lonely girl! There are times when you need to talk to someone other than your husband. The phone calls and visits keep me in touch with the people that I love. I love it when the phone starts ringing!!

The last few days have been a whirl wind but that's what life is all about, right? Sunday was PawPaw's birthday so we went to Grandma's house for a cookout and big fat chocolate cake! To top off our day, Brook came home for a few days. (Really good to see you Brookie!) We had a great time. Mason tried to go fishing in the pond on the golf course. Needless to say, he did not catch a fish but Brett and PawPaw had fun playing with a baby alligator. Mason was a little bit scared so we moved on to the next pond. Sure enough, there were more alligators! Good grief!!

Today was a good day. We worked and then came home to finish our yard work. Right now, our yard looks better than it has looked in months! I wish I could stop weeds from growing!!! Brook came over and helped out... Thanks Brook!!

Tonight I went to a meeting with my brother. He looks so much better than he did this weekend. There is life in his eyes again and definitely hope. I am very proud of him. After the meeting I went to mom's house for dinner and laughing! Oh, the laughing we did at mom's dinner table. I'll put it like this, for dessert we had gorilla balls! We really did! I love to spend time with my family!

Worry

As I sat beside my brother this morning in church, I thought about how truly helpless we are to help the people that we love when they are hurting. Saturday was one of the longest day of my life but then came Sunday and Monday will come and on and on. Time doesn't stand still when we are struggling with daily problems. Even when we are struggling with big problems, time always moves on. But sometimes I wish I had a pause button. I would have used that button Saturday afternoon several times. But instead I park my car in a church parking lot and I prayed like I have never prayed before. I guess when you really think about it, that is a lot like pausing.

Today at church the sermon was about worry. Worry is a sin and man, am I a big fat sinner. I really am going to work on going from constant worry to concern. I am constantly worried about my brother. Not a day goes by that I don't worry about him but I need to realize that my worrying is not going to help him. What good will it do? It only causes me to get all worked up and what good am I to my brother then? I'm not going to lie to anyone and say that at this moment I am not worried about him but instead of dwelling on it, I am going to just sit here and say a prayer for him. I hope that everyone who reads this will stop and say a prayer for him. He needs all the prayers that he can get.